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Whaddup?
This space is for the downloading of the(seemingly) billions of random thoughts floating around in my mind. Well. Some of them anyway. |
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Supposedly a feel good day
Completed yet another day of work, and I'm feeling so tired. And old. Really.Even though I've been at my job for less than 2 weeks, already I'm starting to feel like one of those characters in movies who have stable, 9 to 5 jobs; I even reach my office early every single day. Ergh. Wanting my life to be like a movie simply can't be any less appealing right now. I don't want to feel drained and tired all the time- basically, I don't want to grow up. Age is relative. Wikipedia states that 'ageing in humans refers to a multidimensional process of physical, psychological, and social change. Some dimensions of ageing grow and expand over time, while others decline'. Not to seem melodramatic or anything, but with every passing day of work, I feel less like laughing, smiling, and hanging out with people. Maybe it's just the mental tiredness that comes from having to stare at a computer screen all day and I just need some time to get used to it. But I'm just afraid that this feeling won't ever go away. Right, I sound like some super scaredy-cat little kid now, afraid to go to sleep 'cause she's worried about the monsters hiding under her bed, but maybe that's just what I miss- having someone to tell me that those monsters that I think are lurking down there aren't real. I've tried to rely on logic/sensability/perspective (call it whatever you want), envied traits that come with age, to reassure myself that it's really not that bad a thing to grow up. But it just gets so tiring after awhile constantly trying to convince yourself of something that you don't actually believe in. At this point, if I could, I really would trade whatever maturity, responsibility, and experience that I have gained throughout these past 18+ years just to get back the feeling of being a kid without any worries. I know this is never going to happen (unless those 11:11 wishes actually work), so I guess there's nothing I can do about it. It's useless to control the inevitable. Oh, and for what it's worth, happy valentine's. |